Food, Food, and More Food: Los Angeles Edition

The time is growing painfully near when I can once again step upon the freeing yet claustrophobic confines of the vessel that will deliver my beloved and I to yet another travel destination. Ah, yes, Incheon International Airport--I can smell you now, with your plethora of 'dericious' meal options, and your fabled Smoothie King, which I can never seem to find. Only two days stand between us, and it is utter torture! Weeks ago I made a similar posting in regards to restaurants I hoped/planned/dreamed about patronizing once in my hometown of San Diego. Now it's time to brainstorm about my second 'hometown'...Los Angeles. A far larger city, boasting some of the best restaurants and chefs in the world, eating the way I fantasize about will be a daunting task to say the least...and one I may not be able to afford. So, in the spirit of being cheap, not a food-elitist, and having a strongly opinionated stomach--I'm going to name not the best eats in Los Angeles but those I wish to contribute to my escalating cholesterol score. (Again, I am limiting this list to 10 establishments, in no particular order): 10. Porto's Bakery http://www.portosbakery.com/home.htm Cuban food seems to be popular these days; with several people saying it rivals Mexican food. Well, I think those people are pretentious boobs with stale taste buds. But all that aside, Porto's Cuban bakery is the type of food that's worth the calories. Not because it's a culinary marvel, and not because the flavors in their dishes are complex and new. The secret to their success is this: fry everything. Fried food is amazing. I've even had a fried starfish (in China, not Porto's) and you'd swear it was chorizo. And speaking of chorizo, the chorizo pie is to die for, not to mention my personal favorite--the potato ball. It's a ball of mashed potatoes filled with spicy ground beef and deep-fried. Need I say more? Besides the fried favorites, which run you mere dollars apiece, are some of the most incredible sandwiches. Aside from serving everyday daily sandwiches (far better than what you'd find at your local Quizno's), they also tempt with more traditional choices. They include Pan con Bistec (Cuban steak sandwich), Pan con Lechon (roasted pork sandwich--also my favorite), and the popular Medianoche (midnight) sandwich, which basically has a bit of everything...much like one would construct for a midnight snack. Just in case you were wondering, because Lord knows I was, there is in fact a potato ball sandwich. 9. Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles http://www.roscoeschickenandwaffles.com/ If you're cringing at the sound of this combination, do not judge so quickly. I'm not sure there's been a better marriage since cookie and ice cream sandwiches (we'll get to that later). Roscoe's serves up some of the best soul food in Southern California, although admittedly I've had better in Compton but for reasons beyond my control it's far less attainable. A tad overpriced due to extreme popularity (on any given day you can be eating next to Snoop Dog), but the portions and flavor make up for that minor inconvenience. If you're a newbie, order a Carol C Special, which comes with a succulent fried chicken breast and delicious waffle. Simple, and it gets the point across. That's usually my meal of choice, but I of course add a side of greens, macaroni and cheese, and corn bread. If I'm really hungry, I'll also throw in a plate of scrambled eggs with cheese and onions. If you're a bit more adventurous, try the fried chicken omelet. Again, sounds wrong but couldn't be more right. My computer keys are currently covered in saliva. 8. Crustacean Beverly Hills http://www.anfamily.com/Restaurants/crustacean_beverlyhills/displaypages/homepage.html Food elitism is probably more annoying than people who argue about what constitutes punk rock, but that doesn't mean all fine dining must wear this scarlet letter. When I feel the splurge coming on and do want an incredible meal with the bill to match (and I'm in LA), no place comes close to Crustacean. Located at the border of Little Santa Monica and Beverly Hills, this French-Vietnamese fusion restaurant is hands down some of the best food I have ever had in my entire life. The prices range from affordable to "oh yea, I'm in Beverly Hills," but no matter what you order--it's going to be amazing. Walking in is an experience in itself, with an aquarium pathway that gives the illusion that one is walking on water. Once in the main dining room, the bamboo and wicker furnishings and fans feel as if you're dining in a swanky version of some Indiana Jones adventure. Much like the name suggests, the focus of the cuisine if seafood. My personal favorites are the Salmon Tartar, and Rice Ho-Fun Ravioli with pacific prawns, braised fennel, caramelized shallots and soy-sesame emulsion. The most famous dish, however, which is on the sides menu are the AN's Famous Garlic Noodles. When I expressed my orgasmic-reaction to the noodles to my waitress, she said people who work and live in the area forego the more gastronomical dishes on the menu for these noodles--often ordering them in bulk. I kid you not, there's crack in these noodles. 7. Eat Well http://www.boorah.com/restaurants/CA/west-hollywood/eat-well-west-hollywood/1EDC76BCB8.html I'll keep this one short buy sweet. This is the kind of restaurant you go to for a lot of food at a reasonable price. Los Angeles is teeming with cafes and diner-style eateries, all with their own gimmick and celebrity clientele to draw attention and patronage. Eat Well is on that short list of cafes that has opened and remained opened, despite LA's constant fickleness. The singular reason for which I frequented this cafe when I lived mere minutes from it off Sunset was what they call 'The Big Mess.' It's exactly what it sounds like--one big mess of food. Eggs, spicy sausage, potatoes, avocado, jalapenos, and whatever else they have on hand that day. Add a bit of ketchup, hot sauce, maybe a touch of sour cream and side of wheat toast and you've got an hours worth of spectacular goodness at your fingertips. The sad thing is, it doesn't really last an hour...despite the huge helping. 6. Sprinkles http://www.sprinkles.com/ Sprinkles is like the IKEA of cupcake bakeries. The cupcakes are moderately priced (for Beverly Hills), the value/flavor of the pastries are far above their price-point, and they happen to be incredibly stylish little confections. Rare is the day when a line of hungry customers isn't wrapping around the block. The shop is small, compact, and quite efficient. Boasting such flavors as Banana, Chai Latte, Peanut Butter Chip, Pumpkin, and Ginger Lemon, they must keep a daily schedule of flavors to keep track. Yes, you can actually schedule which days you visit. Try the Red Velvet cupcake. A description wouldn't do it justice. Let's just say it's probably what kissing Angelina Jolie must be like. Even better, they sell ready-packaged mixes to take home and bake if you can't stick to your cupcake schedule. Empty luggage prepared for this reason. 5. Diddy Riese http://www.diddyriese.com/home.php The busiest establishment on the list also happens to be the cheapest. Located in UCLA's Westwood Village, this is the spot everyone seems to stop into on their way from/to dinner. In fact, I have been there at various times of day and must always wait an average of 20 minutes to reach the register to deliver my painstakingly conceived order. This is the way it works: you choose two flavors of cookies (chocolate chip, snicker-doodle, white chocolate chip, oatmeal, candy, and quite a few more), and a flavor of ice cream (cookie dough, rocky road, mint chocolate chip, strawberry, and so many more) and an ice cream sandwich is constructed for you in mere seconds for the price of $1.50. Now the first time I visited it was only a dollar, but the 50-cent increase is not a bother. The cookies are delicious, the ice cream is Dreyer's, and you can order cookies at 35 cents a piece for an after sandwich digestif. It's a cheapskates dream come true...hence mine. 4. Toi http://www.toirockinthaifood.com/sunset/index.html There are cheaper and more accessible Thai restaurants in LA. In fact, there are so many options in the Thai market that it's a wonder how they all remain open year after year. What Toi has is a gimmick, and that leaves a lasting memory. Memories equal loyal clientele. Toi is like the CBGB's of Thai food in LA. The menu is virtually the same you'll find anywhere else, but the portions are arguably larger. Larger portions are a happy-maker. The reason I return time and time again, besides the ultra-cool rock and concert poster-laden walls and dirty-rock decor, is the Tom Kha Kai. A rather popular dish with Thai enthusiasts, combining chicken, coconut milk, and lemon grass--this soup is so good you'll want to bathe in it. The bowl is big enough, to boot. I've had this soup at several restaurants, all around the world--and not one has touched Toi's masterful take on it. Go for the Thai, stay for the concert video on the widescreen tely. 3. Real Food Daily http://www.realfood.com/ Similar to the list I compiled for San Diego, I will again include a vegetarian restaurant to fulfill the ex-vegan in me. Not all vegetarian restaurants are created equal. With whole food, raw food, macrobiotic, and everything else there is out there these days (rampant in LA), it's never clear whether you'll be receiving an actual meal or the assumption of one. Real Food Daily offers an interesting and exceptional dining experience for both health food enthusiasts and those curious to see if the grass is truly greener in Gwyneth Paltrow's garden. With the basic starters such as salads, hummus, and spring rolls, one can also sample something a bit more daring such as the Lentil-Walnut Pate with tofu sour cream, carrots, celery, cucumber, and wheat-free rice sesame crackers. My personal favorite entree is the Total Reuben, made with tempeh, tofu cheese spread, sauerkraut, thousand island dressing, on sourdough rye bread. It's incredible how closely the flavor is matched to its meaty counterpart. For this reason, their meticulous focus to meat-flavored detail, RFD seldom fails to satisfy even the hungriest hunter. 2. Zankou Chicken http://www.zankouchicken.com/ In the chicken game, we Mexicans in the Southeast have El Pollo Loco. It's nothing more than flame-broiled chicken with Mexican spices, with pseudo-traditional sides to compliment the deliciously prepared chicken. In the Los Angeles and Orange County area, a taste of the Mediterranean can be found that easily knocks El Pollo Loco onto its chooky knees. Proudly established in Lebanon, this rotisserie chicken has to be the most succulent, juicy, and masterfully seasoned chicken one could ever find in a fast food setting. With low prices to tempt passersby, once the chicken has been taste-tested you'll never go anywhere else. Sides usually include hummus, pita, and a garlic butter that is worth the acne. What's most inviting about this food is that it's pure Mediterranean cuisine, without the corporate flavor of the Greek chain restaurants. With falafel, shish kebab, and shewarma also on the menu, one can return time and time again without ever losing interest. Zankou Chicken, I love you. 1. Jinky's Cafe http://www.jinkys.com/ I have indeed saved the best for last. Jinky's Cafe is on that ever growing list of restaurants catering to the breakfast-starved, who want their eggs and bacon all day long. Bare in mind that this is a giant leap above the throwaway diners located anywhere and everywhere. Eggs, breakfast meat, and assorted griddle favorites are easily made and easily liked almost anywhere one may find them. What sets Jinky's apart is their ambitious and often genius menu. For example, six different types of Eggs Benedict? Really? Lox Benedict, Hash Eggs Benedict, Crab Cake Benedict...the list continues. Being an Eggs Benedict fiend myself, I have sampled each and every one on several occasions and each is a wonder in its own way. There are also over twenty ways to order your egg-meal, from a simple choice of eggs/choice of meat option, to an array of omelets--some that include spicy 'Voodoo sausage.' What keeps me coming back is their, drum roll please, pancakes. Yes, I am a fatty and I love a flat, fried slice of dough covered in preserves and/or maple syrup. Now, when that list includes Pumpkin, Chocolate Chip, Tropical, and Banana-Macadamia Nut pancakes it's needless to say you're going to leave happy. I patiently look-forward to departing from their Sherman Oaks location in about a week, with a face-on much like a fat child at a Costco-catered birthday party. To my friends in Los Angeles, if you'd like to partake in any of these binge-fests, please do not hesitate to contact me. And my fellow San Diegans, the same goes for you. Check out my previous blog and let's get our eat on. My pants have been feeling far too loose as of late.