America the Shameful

You know, yesterday was one of the only days in my entire life that I was proud to be an American. I have never been a patriotic person, and having been brought up in a predominantly Mexican culture I have always felt a certain distance from the "American way."It's not until now that I am, again, ashamed to be American. How can so many people be THAT ignorant? They spout out words and phrases that they regurgitate as to not have to break a sweat in thinking about the human quality of what they speak. They do not stop for one second to understand that what they are saying, and the movements and decisions they are making for others is detrimental to a strangers quality of life.There are people celebrating today because it took over two hundred years for a black man to even be taken seriously as a possible candidate for the US presidency. There are also people crying, hurting, wondering if the marriage vows they uttered only so few months ago will disapparate as if it were only a dream (the best dream I've ever heard of).I'm so angry I don't know what to do with it. Part of me wants to cultivate this anger, and the anger of others--to come together as one strong front and turn on those who've turned their backs on us. Another part of me wants to understand that things take time, and that the voting patterns show a true hope for the youth of America. I am balancing on a very thin line, and I'm sure I wouldn't be far off from saying that millions of "Americans" feel the same way today.It's almost as if Americans thought, "well, this year we'll throw the Black's a bone...and hey, maybe in the future it'll be time for the gays." I don't want to be in a succession line for charity.I want my rights, damn it!If you voted 'yes' on Prop 8 (or any other anti-gay legislation) and you're reading this, I think you owe me and every other gay person you know, or even don't know an explanation.Why? Why? Please, tell me why you've chosen to deny me and your fellow "Americans" of a common right? Why must we plan YOUR weddings and not attend our own?I miss my family. I am currently living abroad, and I'd hoped that California would prevail in equality and that I'd be able to return to marry the person I wish to love forever.But now I sit here wondering: when I marry my fiance, does that mean I won't be able to reside near my family in California? Is the United States of America going to pay my airfare so that I can see my nieces grow up, feel the embrace of my parents, and be with my grandfather before he passes?I am ashamed to be American today. This "one thing at a time" mentality just isn't good enough for me...Obama or not.Dear God, help me understand.

Happiness and Anger Stew

I cannot express my feeling of elation at the victory of Barack Obama in becoming our new US president. Nervous energy surges through my body, and I am virtually speechless. To win in such a monumental way makes the triumph that much more thunderous--and may all that doubt hear that roar.However, I cannot help but suffer as the pain of anger and sadness fester in my belly, wanting to scream, break windows, slap strangers--something to release the tumor that has been growing within me this past hour.How is it possible that a state as open-minded as California (a state where plastic surgery is common place, and celebutantes like Kim Kardashian and those dense girls from 'The Hills' are adored like deities; a state where the divorce rate is over 50%; a state where Marijuana is legalized for medicinal purposes) could ignore the obvious rape of freedom and justice for all by relegating we, the homosexuals of California, to a lesser role? When did we become a supporting role in the film called "Life," starring the ever-so-powerful heterosexual masses? It just isn't fair.What I feel like is an animal. I feel as if I have just been told that I am not allowed in the house, but to stay in the yard--even if it's raining.What angers me most is the statistics.According to CNN. COM, most age groups were either tied, or did not support Proposition 8. The only group that overwhelmingly supported the measure were those citizens 65 years and older. These are people that have lived there lives and are reaching the end. These are people who have experienced the joys of a wedding day, the trials and triumphs of a legal marriage, the raising of children, and so on. How dare they dictate to us, a new and different and far more understanding generation, how we should live long after they have become dust! It's obvious to me now that the experience of time truly is meaningless. That compassion does not mature or change if your heart and mind already dwell in a state of hatred and biggotry.It's a travesty that this has happened. A cruel joke. What's next? Do we have to wear patches on our sleeves? Stripped pajamas? Well, I'll tell you this much. If we do...it's going to be Prada, and you can all kiss my ass-cot!!!