Food, Food, and More Food

Despite the fact that I recently spent nine glorious days in Hawaii with my parents and fiancé, I can't begin to express my glee in having secured moderately priced tickets to venture to my home-city of San Diego. I suppose my biggest joy in the matter is that this time around there's the added bonus of introducing my betrothed to the place which I once called home for twenty-three years. Family introductions will be made, same with friends and attractions will be patronized--but call me fat, hungry, or simply gastronomically challenged...but what I look forward to most is the food. Here's a list of ten establishments that I can't wait for us to gain weight at. (In no particular order) 10. Rancho's Natural Foods http://www.ranchosnaturalfoods.com/ For a matter of years, I joined that small and ever-so judgmental group of people who call themselves 'vegans.' Apparently anything that doesn't include making a Parakeet a deity is a violation of some animal right. Granted, some vegans do great work and should be applauded. However, I'd say they who've made the greatest strides are those that have made vegan food not only edible, but enjoyable. Rancho's has achieved that by making, what I consider, San Diego's best vegetarian option is dining. Virtually any Mexican dish you can imagine is available for either veggies or vegans, and the flavor and authenticity does not take a back seat. If you want delicious, healthy, Mexican food with a twist--Rancho's is your haven. 9. In-n-Out http://www.in-n-out.com/ I don't care if it's a chain. It happens to be a chain not available in Korea, or most of the United States for that matter. For me, these are hands-down the best burgers and fries (on a budget) in San Diego. Not too big, not too greasy, and the fries taste like crispy, salted rain from potato-heaven. I'll take a double-double, fries (animal style), and grilled cheese on the side. Dear God... 8. Carnitas Uruapan http://tinyurl.com/mdcejq Though my Abuelo happens to make the best carnitas (braised or roasted pork pieces) ever created, this restaurant (unfortunately in the middle of nowhere) has some kick ass carnitas. Every time I visit this restaurant I usually gorge myself to the point of gastritis. Such delicious pain. It’s always packed full of people, usually huge families, and the vibe reflects it. People always say, “Terrible service, great food.” In Uruapan’s case it’s great service, scrumptious food. 7. Zorba's Greek Buffet http://www.zorbasgreekbuffet.com/ When I visited the Greek island of Corfu I managed to gain 5 lbs in five days. How did I do it? On the "Eat As Much Delicious Greek Food As You Possibly Can Diet." Can't make it all the way out to Greece? You're in luck! If you're in the San Diego area, take a short trip down to Broadway in Chula Vista and partake in the incredible feast at Zorba's. It can borderline on My Big Fat Greek Wedding schmaltz, but you quickly look beyond that. I promise you--they will have to ask you to vacate your table. 6. Hash House A-Go-Go http://www.hashhouseagogo.com/ I love when the plate is so big you could bathe in it upon completing your meal. This is why I love Hash House. Yet not only are their portions ridiculously overstated, this brand of comfort food makes you forget about dieting and remember why American's are fat to begin with. Breakfast at Hash House resembles a fancy truck stop, where the food looks messy but tastes like what you'd want to eat before hitting the electric chair. Adding a sprig of fresh Rosemary, and a big, buttery biscuit to the meal elevates it to orgasmic proportions. Lunch and dinner are also meals to revel in...But I put my money on the morning hash. It gets quite busy, though waiting in line has never been more rewarding. 5. Yokozuna's Bar & Islander Grill http://www.yokozsd.com/ My family may be Mexican, and we may eat every single part of the cow, goat, chicken, or (insert bloody animal here)--but we love us some sushi. We roll into sushi joints and clean the place out, like a family of bears when the salmon never stood a chance. And I'm not talking rolls, like most poseurs order. Slabs of fish are what our hearts desire. Making the visit to Yokoz that much sweeter is the islander flare, and Polynesian options. From Hawaiian to Guamanian--their menu is eclectic and in a very tasty way. Try the Stuffed Tomatoes. The absence of tomato will be a pleasant surprise. 4. Jyoti Bihanga http://www.jyotibihanga.com/index.htm Serving you a healthy slice of crazy, from Spiritual Master Sri Chinmoy himself. This small and humble restaurant is run by a group (cult) of Yogi's, in the hopes of promoting peace, bliss, and health through culinary creativity (and poorly-worded pamphlets). This was a major treat in my vegan days, and upon patronizing it further as a full-blown carnivore I came to find that the food was indeed delectable if not ambitious. There best seller is the ‘Neatloaf,’ Meatloaf's far-less barbaric cousin. It's made of rice, and beans, and other such grains--and tastes incredible. The visit alone is worth your time. Viewing yogi's in their natural habitat is not a daily occurrence. Bring a camera. 3. Filippi's Pizza Grotto http://www.realcheesepizza.com/ The URL says it all: real cheese pizza. I've had other selections on their menu, such as the lasagna, and eggplant parmigiana (oddly enough, better than the one I had sitting in front of the Coliseum in Rome)--but their pizza is what puts them on the map. The crust is crunchy yet doughy. The sauce isn't too heavy, and not sweet like the bottled variety. And the cheese...oh...the cheese. You need a separate plate just to catch the extra cheese. Very much a family restaurant, with a good old-fashioned mobster feel--and make sure not to leave without having a cannoli. You’ll kick yourself in the calzone. 2. Extraordinary Desserts http://www.extraordinarydesserts.com/index.htm Without a doubt the most innovative dessert restaurant I have ever encountered. I worked there, once upon a time, in the days where I was heavier and quite the kleptomaniac. Needless to say, there were always cakes and other treats around the house because of me. Karen Krasne, the mastermind behind this patisserie, brings inspiration from her favorite destinations: Morocco, Bali, Thailand, Hawaii, and Paris--and creates works of art that are debatably more greatly enjoyed in your mouth than before your eyes. And with a newer, larger space opened in 2004, she brings new temptations such as imported cheese plates, wines, panini's, salads, and the most incredible gourmet grilled cheese sandwiches I've ever had. This is worth being fat for. 1. Tacos El Gordo http://tinyurl.com/mrxtyr Give me tacos, and loads of them. I want back, neck, tongue, tail, intestines, and brains. These greasy little things are the perfect way to satisfy a hunger like mine; having been denied real Carne Asada here in the glorious land of Galbi. I'll order buckets of them and I won't share. This is the ultimate guilty pleasure, and one hell of a way to burst an artery. Make me (more) ‘gordo’…gladly. Next up: my list of Los Angeles eateries I can't wait to plow into.