The Tip-to-Tip Trip: The Last Leg pt 1

Cairo. Dirty. Loud. Crowded. Beautiful. I love it here. Yes, I have been annoyed by touts, and beggars, and others of the sort. Yes, my boogers are black from the smog. And yes, I have received many a dirty look for my Hebrew tattoo--but alas, this place is great. I arrived early yesterday morning after spending an insane amount of time (10 hours) overnight at the Nairobi airport. I did this to save money and also to share a cab with my friend Jen. I am happy that I made that decision because psychologically it was as if we ended the trip together--as it was meant to have happened. Let me back up and speak on Nairobi for a bit. Nairobi was loud, dirty, crowded, etc...a little Cairo of sorts. Far less Muslim, but still the dirty looks. People were quite kind there, though rough around the edges. Few of us stayed behind more than one day. When our truck, Denver, entered the city we were bombarded by unspeakable traffic and looks of hatred from the people below. We deserved it, really. It took us longer than anticipated to arrive at the Boulevard Hotel, located next to Nairobi University. Quite a nice area, and campus. The Hotel was barred-off, and gated--guard with gun included, bombs sold separately. When the truck pulled into the drive-way, we realized that Ian, the Kiwi I'd spent my first night on the trip with at the Hotel Tulip, was sitting on the patio enjoying a beer. It really was a treat to see him, seeing as he'd left us mid-trip to join a group climbing Kilimanjaro. He recounted his story to us, and besides a nose-bleed and freezing cold, he said it was fantastic. Anyway, we pulled in and the moment the truck stopped, it was as if a bomb had exploded. People were going and grabbing bags, getting things together, rushing, rushing, rushing. Those of us staying at the hotel ushered into the lobby to secure our room keys and to put down our bags. An executive decision was made by our tour leader Elbie that they'd stick around for a while to have somewhat of a farewell dinner. Many people left straight away, with quick goodbyes. This Kiwi couple that I wish would fall into a well and never be found were some of those that left promptly. Good riddance. Following them were our friends Andy, Giselle, and Chris. This is where the boulder was dropped on our (Jen and I) chest. Seeing as how we'd made special connections with these people, it was too abrupt a moment to deal with--so tears came streaming from our eyes, and blubbering fools we became. We said our goodbyes, shared hugs, etc...but the feeling remained. There was a cloud on our farewell. In my opinion, we were robbed of a proper goodbye...and regret lingers like a confused ghost. Jen and I dropped our things in our room them went back down to have dinner. We shed tears every few minutes, then move on. Then we'd start up again, and again dry-out. This continued until our closest friends, Lauren and Katharine, departed. Our eyes, bloodshot and exhausted, squeezed the last drops possible from our eyes. These girls, of whom we are ten years their seniors (respectably), were true Spartans and held their own. We'll see them again very soon...of that I am sure of. After dinner, Jen and I went to bed with breakfast plans to meet up with Anita, Anders, Heather, and Sharine. We all met up at 9am for our free breakfast buffet, which was smackulicious. After that, I inquired about a city tour and off we were (Anita, Anders, Heather, Jen, and I) to explore the supposedly dangerous city of Nairobi. First, we went to the Kenyan Convention Center, and went to the top of the highest building in Nairobi to view the city panoramically. It actually has some very interesting architecture. We had our own private guide, and were the only Mzungu's (non-black people) around. Special. After this, I stopped at Western Union to pick-up some much needed money and we were off again to another market. We shopped for a while, but after the bargains we were used to in places like Malawi, and Zanzibar--this place was fucking Saks Fifth Ave. So we moved onto lunch. Lunch was a spectacle all its own. We made reservations at a famous restaurant called Carnivore. Apparently it's the best resto in town. Lord was the food there AMAZING!!! They first brought us towels to clean our hands, followed by Dawa's--a drink made with lime, honey, sugar, and vodka. D'lish. After this, we were given spiced butternut squash soup which was Divine. Then, we were brought a revolving platter with several dips. It was explained to us which dip/sauce went with which meat, and then we were given hot earthenware plates to begin. We were served a potato and bread, and then the meat began to come out on spits. First pork spare ribs, followed by chicken wings, then lamb, chicken breast, alligator, prime rib, and finally ostrich meatballs. There was a small flag atop the revolving platter that we were to drop once we'd had enough. It remained standing for about an hour =) When we felt our gluttony had met it's quota, we moved onto dessert. We shared an assortment of ice cream, and cheesecake. All of this for the low-low price of $35 a person. Pretty reasonable. I was more than impressed. After lunch, we returned to the hotel to say goodbye to our friends as they were headed to the airport in a cab together. No more tears, but loads of heavy hearts. Jen and I spent the remainder of the evening relaxing in our room, watching TV, a few more tears (but not many), had a small dinner, and chatted until our eyes shut. The next morning I canceled my last night at the hotel so that I could accompany Jen to the airport. The thought of remaining there alone was too much for me to bear. We had breakfast early, the we arranged to visit an elephant orphanage, animal orphanage at the Nairobi National Park, and the Giraffe Center. Again, we had our own personal driver and he was very good to us. The orphanage was a tourist trap. Yes, orphaned baby elephants are cute--but we couldn't even pet one. Boo. We did however get to pet the huge rhino. Logic? No, none of that. We did get to see something odd occur, however. We encountered a black cat sniffing out a horned chameleon. The chameleon wouldn't move, and it looked like the cat wasn't interested until...CRUNCH!!! Chameleon shishkabob for lunch. Hungry pussy got fed. Next we went to the Giraffe Center where we fed them snacks for about a half hour. We fed them pellets, and even fed them from our mouths. They may have leathery lips, but those tongues are nothing short of slimy. It was still badass. I pet the baby giraffe, and it's mother head-butt me. That was harsh. From here we went onto the animal orphanage where our driver managed to get us into the Cheetah cage so we could pet them. Their fur was coarse, and so were their tongues. They loved licking our palms though (tenderizing?). We were also able, with a tip, to go backstage and watch a baby lioness be fed raw meat and milk. We also got to hold her, but she was displeased with this. Cute as hell, though. Heavy, too. We returned to the hostel and had a nap by the pool. We talked more about the trip, and how it had affected us. After a late lunch, our driver David came to fetch us and we were on our way. With our luck, we were passed on the way to the airport by none other than the president of Kenya's motorcade. That's one way to leave a country =) At the airport we finally had to say goodbye, but not before making fun of some douche-bags sporting too much henna. Jen cried, and my heart sank--but I was just tapped out. I watched her turn to say goodbye to me, but I'd changed positions. She must have thought I left...but I was there. For the remainder of my ten hour wait, I read and slept. I barely touched my iPod, but I managed to shock a young, handsome British boy with the film Shortbus as he watched it over my shoulder (don't peak if you can't handle it, right?). The plane was ass. Egypt Air basically sucks. The food was good, but they showed us National Treasure 2. Boo. The plane was virtually empty, so we all got to lay down and sleep in our own rows. That was awesome. Flying into Cairo, I was able to see some of the Pyramids from the sky. That was an exciting thing to see and really shook me out of my funk. Once on land, I bought my visa, exchanged me money, and proceeded to fetch my luggage and find my driver. He was nowhere to be found. I was quite annoyed, but a man allowed me to phone my hotel on his mobile to find out what the problem was. Turns out they were there, but couldn't find me. I, being incredibly impatient, managed my own cab to the hotel. The man with the mobile wanted money. Here I thought he was being helpful. I told him to fuck off. My cab driver was really cool. He told me about his family, and what I should see while in Egypt. He also got me to the hotel safe and quickly in the horrendous traffic. Once at the hotel, I met up with the manager and he gave me a bottle of water and welcomed me. We talked tour, and I payed up: Day 2, all of the Pyramids surrounding Cairo/Giza, Day 3 Take a night train to Aswan and visit Abu Simbel, Day 4 travel by felucca boat for two days up to Luxor, Day 6 return to Cairo via night train. After this, I quickly changed and went across the street to Egyptian Museum; a collection of antiquities so poorly managed, I wanted to shoot myself. There was far too much to see, and not enough information. It was basically a crap shoot. I would call that museum "Old Rock City." I did, however, get to see the crown jewels of King Tut. Pretty incredible stuff. I'd missed them while they were in Los Angeles. That dude had to have been gay. He was far too fabulous. I got brave and took the metro to the Opera House, which didn't turn out to be as impressive as I'd been told. I chose to walk across the Nile back to the downtown area where I am staying and have a bite to eat. I had some chicken shawarma and an orange Fanta, then proceeded back to my accommodation to finally shower. What a sigh of relief to be clean. After this, I packed my bag for my trip south and followed up on e-mails. Then Ahmed, one of the workers here, asked me if I wanted to go to the train station with him to secure my tickets. I said sure. We took a cab to the area of the station, then proceeded to walk through a crowded mess of people, vendors, and cars. I am surprised I wasn't run-down by a car. We did stop, however, for a nice treat. He bought me a fruit cocktail with mango juice, and filled with sliced apples and bananas. It was refreshing. After we bought the tickets, he asked me if I'd buy him alcohol at the duty free shop with my passport. I thought it was a bold, and funny question--so I said, sure...why not? A taxi took us to the Sheraton where we made the transaction and he was most grateful. He promised to help me find a nice hookah with sheesha for about $20 before I go. We'll see. We arrived back and after some fussing around with my things in my room, I took two Valium and knocked out around 9pm. I am alone in a four-bed dorm, which is kinda nice. My shit is everywhere. No more tents to put up =) I was awakened by knocking on my door. To my shock, I had overslept and my driver, Sayid, had arrived at 5:30am to transport me to Giza. I dressed quickly, and we were off. We arrived at Giza and I could see the pyramids in the distance. He dropped me off at a stable where I paid for a guide to take me by camel to the pyramids and Sphinx. I was afraid at first, but got used to the camel. His name was Michael Jackson. My guide, Ahmad, was a handsome young student and knew his stuff. We came upon the pyramids and I was in awe. They truly are magnificent. I almost felt detached from the situation--it just didn't seem real. We took silly photos and continued on to the Sphinx and again--detachment. He allowed me to ride the horse back because I was having trouble with Michael Jackson. I am not a camel fan. Either way, it was an incredible experience. Sayid then took me to a papyrus store where I was basically sold something I didn't need for a reasonable price. He managed to sell to me in English, Spanish, French, and Italian--so I was stuck. The story behind the painting I bought is worth the 20 bucks, anyway. The vendor, apparently also named Oscar (my ass) showed me the process in which papyrus plants are made into paper. It consists of slicing strips, soaking in water to diminish the sugar content, then pounding with a mallet, then finally being pressed in a vice between layers of carpet. According to him, in the old days they used to have fat women sit on the strips for six days for two reasons: one, because fat chicks are heavy, and two, "their pussies absorbed the water." Yes, he said pussy to me. From here we went to visit two more pyramids, but only from the car. Basically, these pyramids are tourist traps. You can't go near them, and you can't go inside them--but you still have to pay. So we skipped them. We went onto the pyramids at Dahshur, and finally I entered a tomb. Going into a pyramid is claustrophobic and exciting all at once. It smelled like paint thinner and mold inside. There was really nothing to see, but just being in there and imagining what it must have been like to construct it was worth the sore knees and back to crawl in. I told Sayid I was hungry, so he drove me to a nice shishkabob place, where I paid $10 for a million plates of food. That was so well worth it. Egyptian food = delicious. After brunch, we drove back, taking photos along the way and joking about reggeaton music. It's pretty big here. Sayid was definitely a class guy. He offered to drive me to Alexandria in a few days. I may take him up on that. As he would say after every awkward moment, "welcome to Egypt." Now I am back at my lovely hotel, the Paris Hotel. It is definitely a hostel, but a hostel with class and style. I needed a place like this after roughing it for six weeks. The beds here are magic, and on that note--I'm going to go take a pussy nap. Maybe I'll absorb some water. I am as dehydrated as the Sahara.